2 Sleeps :)

Think my Facebook friends are getting annoyed about my countdown but I don't care *L*.
Rob Thomas on Sunday!! I bought these tickets sooo long ago now and i've been hanging out. Saw him last time he toured and OMG......Awesome. He's at Sandalford this time and I adore that venue but usually, just sit in the general admission, lug the chairs, blankets, food etc. and it's a great atmosphere but I can't be that far away from HIM!!! *LOL* I was in general standing last time and was pretty damn close. I have enough trouble seeing as it is so, well, I bought gold class tickets! *L* Yeah, I know, extravagant but what the hell! They had better bloody well have an area I can stand up though coz I really hate the way Perth crowds in seating just fkn sit there like statues....They don't move, they don't applaud, they don't holler (I do all of those things *L*) and it embarrasses me frankly.

Anyway......2 sleeps to go. I'm even having Monday off coz I don't fancy having had a few wines (probs more than a few), getting all het up over Rob and then getting up at 4am for work.....*G*

I know i'm a bit like a school kid but my music really means a hell of a lot to me....and Rob, well.....He's right up there with Johnny Depp in my eyes so that probably tells you the story.

xxx

Pure Rant......

Just gotta get this outta me.

Why the fkn hell don't ppl just allow you to be who you are?

Ok, I'm on Facebook quite a bit, i'll admit that after work, it's my primary source of entertainment and yeah, maybe I should be out walking, scrapbooking, reading, studying or something else but I like Facebook. I like that I just chill out and play my games and comment on ppls posts.....and then I go to bed and I get up and I start again. Boring??? Yeah probs.

Now i've got ex-in laws making comments about a particular game I play and I think, actually, i've over reacted. I was a bit rude and I could sense the surprise in his response but WTF....I don't care because if you say something to me that I don't like, don't be surprised when I answer you back!

I just ran the scenario past my eldest who I think, from the look, believes I'm insane *sigh*.

Oh well.....what's done is done now. Ridiculous that I would even get het up about this.. But it's made me better to type this out....As always..... :)

Kids!

Had intended to post something about half hour ago....was feeling pretty tired but as I was about to make the effort, got a call from the eldest, via the youngest (free calls between them). "Mum, have you got jumper leads??" "Ummmm yep" Well, Scott can't get his car started so can you........ You get the picture?

Ok, so here I am. Tired, had a coupla wines too actually (thank the Goddess not too many)and all of a sudden, I'm in the car, driving down to meet them......tah dah!!! The saviour! Yep. I rock up, guess what? They've got the car started. Marvellous :) *LOL*

You know what though? I'm glad I was here, I'm glad I got a call and I'm bloody glad that all is well in the end.

Departing warning....."get some jumper leads honey"....."don't call me again ok?" (this one they know they can ignore).

Kids...who'd have 'em??? And more to the point, who'd be without 'em ?? :)

For the love of the Goddess Woman, just let it go!!!!!........

I feel lost and lonely today. It's not unusual for me. I do believe that sometimes I have depressive tendancies but that sounds lame, given that I know people that actually do suffer depression and have to deal with it daily and in a lot of cases, with medication so.....yeah Claire, just suck it up eh?

*sigh*

I can't go into the main reason for me feeling crap today. Probably because it's not really my story to tell and also, because to share it would be somehow dishonourable to the person but what I do want to do is say how "I" feel. I'm sorry to do this and I do hope you'll just indulge me......

This rant might be multiple pronged. It might not....I'm just writing now, exactly as I feel and how I type (trying to pick up typo's as I go *L*)

People let you down don't they? *shrug* We all know that, I can see you going "yeah......geez woman, fact of life!" And I do know it is. But the beauty of this thing is that I can just type and albeit that some of you may read it and make your own judgements about it, well, that's just all the better for me. I'd rather hear it that not.

I've been, for a very many years now, struggling with someone else's problem. Something that should, by my reasoning anyway, have been solved by now. Been fixed...been done with. But, that's MY reasoning and it appears, as it rears it's ugly head once more, that my reasoning is perhaps not that of the other party :)

The trouble is, that every time......every single time it occurs, a little piece of me dies. First, there's tears and selfish suffering, then there's anger and then there's just...WTF do I do now.....Again......

I'm not a fool. I don't suffer fools gladly but you know what, in this I AM A FKN FOOL.

I hadn't meant to actually write all this. I'm actually hoping you won't see it because I had other things to rant on but somehow, now.....I just feel like "shutup".

As I say, this forum is primarily for myself as an outlet but I've put it out there and people are welcome to comment or not.

Blessed be.
C xx

Where does the time go?

It's very nearly that time where the kids go back to school but for me, this year, there are two things that will be different. My eldest daughter is going to Tafe, a whole different world to High School and my youngest daughter is now an "upper school" kid so that changes the dynamics for her too.

I'm having tomorrow off so that we can go to the high school and pay the fees, get the books and new uniform (of course, they change if for the final 2 years which actually, I think is great) and then on to Tafe to pay fees and hopefully, take a bit of a look around.

It's kind of weird to think that these tiny little girls of mine are now pretty much grown and man, I'm soooooo proud of how they have turned out. Of course, there's the bits and pieces that crop up that give me the shits but I truly count my blessings that "touch wood" there have been no incidents that have caused me to panic or lose the plot. There are a lot of kids out there that do make mistakes and they don't neccessarily come from a bad homelife, sometimes, things do just happen and when you have a relatively easy run yourself, well, all you can do is thank the Goddess (or whomever you choose).

I know we all think our kids are the best thing since sliced bread and that's fair enough but for me, personally, I feel like my girls are not only my daughters but also my friends and that's how I want it to stay.

I'm very much looking forward to the next few years and watching them develop even further and expanding their outlooks and sharing in their dreams and aspirations and just being there for them and with them.

I love my girls so very much :) Bet you love your kids equally :)

Stray - ya

Well, it's the eve of another Australia Day.

What does it mean to you I wonder? Do you feel anything or is it just a public holiday?

I sense that the mood is shifting somewhat and people are becoming more public and noticable with their "Australianism" This, I think, is a good thing. As long as it is for what it is. (ie. no political statements, no racial slurs)

I don't go as far as to put the flags up on my car, although, i've seen plenty of those during the last probably 2 weeks at least. It's kinda cute. Not my scene but out there, in a good way.

Today, we've got Ray Martin calling for (or bringing up probably more appropriate) the debate about abolishing the Union Jack from our flag. That's a very interesting topic coz it's not the "We shouldn't be a Commonwealth State" "There's no room for the Royal Family" argument, it's about OUR flag.

Ok, best be coming clean I suppose. I come from England in the very broadest of senses in that I was conceived there, to English parents, who emmigrated to Australia when I was six. I have absolutely NO allegiance to Britain or the UK whatsoever. As far as I'm concerned, I'm an Australian.

I do think the British Royalty has it's place but it's predominately in Britain and although it's kind of nice when they visit...what fkn difference does it really make if they do or don't???

I'm of the firm belief that we ought to have our own identity now. We are no longer a colony full of the dregs of English society who were shipped to our shores as punishment. Ok, there are probably some who should still fall into that category *l* but for the most part, the immigrants are the people who have made this country what it is...multicultural, diverse, free and absolutely fantastic!

You will go hard to find someone who loves this country more than I. Yep, there are things that piss me off and yep, sometimes I do bitch and moan but mostly, I look at my life, how it is, how free I am and I compare it to others and I think....Girl, you are soooooo fkn lucky.

So in essence, what does being Australian mean to you? What does Australia day mean?

I'm proud as punch to be an Aussie. My girls are Australian born and bred and I hope, so will be my grandchildren eventually. Australia day heralds a time to be thankful and to just celebrate what we do best....relax, enjoy, laugh and be with family and friends. What more to life should there be???

A very Happy, Happy Australia day to you all.

Wish I had something exciting to say........

But no....life is pretty much the same each day atm, although, I have managed to learn a couple of new things (work related regrettably) since my promise to myself to try and do that.

Work is actually boring me again! *sigh* I do this. I start a job and survive on the stress until I've pretty much mastered it and then it's like....Ummmm...."NEXT".
The promises of those in senior management have not yet come to fruition but i'm hopeful that this year, I'll expand my knowledge and who knows, one day, I might just run the show! *lol* I'm cheeky enough and bossy enough I guess. One thing about me is I'll tell you straight...whether you're the boss or not. I'm not one to hold back with my opinion. Not that i'm rude or nasty, I just believe it's best to be upfront and if there's a problem or you have something to say, say it to the person concerned. I've never gone in for this behind your back gossipy bullshit.

I think working with men only for a lot of my working life has taught me a lot. I don't do girlie bitching. That's not to say I can't work with women, I have and do and have made some good girlfriends but truth be told, I prefer to work with men! *L*

So what to do??? The thing is, I'm paid pretty well for what i'm doing and i've done my research, I know that i'd probably need some further education and/or training to get a job with higher salary than I already am.

What would be really good would be to get into the education system....All those holidays...and they are paid pretty well too (I'm talking administrative staff, not teachers). Then, I could have lots of time off and get some part time work or do some study during those times.

Having said that, I've got the perfect hours coz I get in very early and so I leave early too and it's pretty much come and go as you want. As long as I'm doing what i'm supposed to, I can just work times to suit myself. You can't get that everywhere.

The most excitement i've had this week is that we've just had two new roller shutters installed (Woooooo! *LOL*) but actually, it's well overdue on my eldest daughter's room since she's had to put up with no significant window treatments since we moved in (coming up 6yrs in May). The sun comes into her room and the neighbours have a security light that is prone to go on randomly due to wind or whatever else but now, she's finally got some black shutters and the spare room also. Now we've just got to pay for them (hellishly expensive) but they do interest free payment terms so you can't really grumble about that!

Well, this has turned out to be more of a diary entry than a blog so I'm sorry about that!

I'm considering making something up so I appear more "windswept and interesting" to coin a Billy Connolly phrase.

Take care, Blessed be
C x

A juicy topic......hypothetical and just for thoughts :)

Say you know someone who is in a committed relationship but for whatever reason, they are seeing someone else. It's purely sexually driven, nothing more in it apart from the fact that they like each other (which you'd have to I suppose).

Say that other person is also in a committed relationship "ditto the above".

Say that there is no possibility of either of these people leaving their current partner because that's who they want to be with.

Say......... Have yours! :)

Being single in your 40's

I've got a couple of friends who are single, one of which has very recently seperated from their partner and i've been watching and commenting on the various aspects of dealing with things like dating and breaking up.

It's made me think about a few things and I guess to analyse my own situation a little deeper.

As you may, or may not know, i'm divorced and have been in a relationship for coming up 9 years. There's no driving desire to get married or anything. Perhaps 4 or 5 years ago it was something I felt was important but for one reason and another (primarily I guess coz I wasn't asked! *lol*) it didn't happen and now, I feel kind of over it if that makes sense? I guess I just don't need to be married and figure that life is going to take it's course regardless of whether I have that piece of paper and if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I suppose that it makes things less complicated if anything were to happen and the relationship ended.

I think marriage is a wonderful thing by the way. I'm not so jaded as not to think anyone should get married but I just don't think it's all that important anymore. It would be nice to go to a wedding though *l* I love weddings and I suppose i'm at the age where they just don't happen that frequently unless you have a large family and lots of neices and nephews or your own children are at that age.

If anything, I think that I would rather have a commitment ceremony (and in my case, it would be a handfasting) but even that is not something I have on my "must get done" list. If it happens, it does.

I'm thinking back and remembering what it was like to be single and having to go through that whole dating and meeting new people process. It's a lot easier when you are younger of course as you tend to move around in large groups or come into contact with a lot of people by the very social life that you lead but as you get older, it becomes a little more difficult.

Between my seperation and becoming involved with my current relationship, I guess there was a period of around 18 months where I was single. I gotta say, that those 18 months were probably the greatest learning time of my life. I did a lot of stuff then that I look back on now and think, OMG, risky!!! Having said that though, I got a lot of very positive stuff from it, even though sometimes it felt crap at the time, now, I appreciate that it was part of my learning path and necessary for me to grow.

I'm happy in my current relationship. Not like ecstatic or anything. I don't mean to sound at all negative or anything either. I guess it's the familiarity and it's become kind of "my life" now. We had some serious issues in the early years but I truly think they were things I needed to go through and lessons that I needed to learn. I'm more empathetic and definitely less judgemental because of those issues. I truly believe we need to go through some things just purely for the experience of them and to, hopefully, learn from them.

I wouldn't care to be out there trying to find the right partner at my age anymore. I hope that I don't ever have to do that again but, I'm a practical type person and I never say never. Let's face it, I would never have got married in the first place had I thought it would fail. You must never go into something thinking about when it might end or you'd drive yourself mad.

I hope these lovely ladies I know find what they are looking for and I'm certain that at the right time and when it matters, they will. In the meantime, all I can do is send them positive energy and lots of loving thoughts and keep reminding them how beautiful and deserving they are.

Blessed be,
C xxx

Everybody's working for the weekend.........

Or hanging out for it in any event! Isn't it bizarre how we kind of wish our lives away really by looking forward to weekends coz they are our days off?

I've tried so hard over the years to "make each day count" and try to do something positive or constructive but often, I find myself just going along with each day and then wondering what the hell I have been doing. You know when people ask you, "How you doing, what you been up to?" and mostly, the best I can say is, "oh you know, same ole same ole, work, home blah blah". How fkn exciting is that????

I think i'm going to have to get my shit together and try to, at least, do something each day that I can go....yep, learnt something, did something new, tried something new, made a difference to somebody.

So much I would liked to have done (probably could still if I really put my mind to it)....Study law (don't you think i'd be a great lawyer? *L*), Write a novel, Own and run a stunningly successful Cafe, Get my soy candle making business going, get my motorbike licence. Hmmmm, that's quite a list already and they are right off the top of my head!

Moreover, this year, I really want to make sure that I'm in regular contact with dear friends, get to know new friends a whole lot better and maybe make some more.

Hump Day.....and I'm gonna rant about sumthin'

I didn't post yesterday coz I felt a bit yucky....nauseous and just ick but I'm right as rain today so that's all good! A bit of an early night did the trick. I should remember that but I know I won't coz I have a tendancy to try and make the day last the longest time possible...."You're a long time dead" my Nanna would say....*L*

My rant today is not unknown to some people...It's about the bloody retail commercialism crap that brings us Easter stuff literally days after New Year. I heard what a Coles spokesperson said today.... Hot Cross Buns were in stores from 4 January "due to public demand" and now their Easter Eggs are starting to appear on aisle ends (the greatest form of retail marketing that there is!) Woolworths also had the Hot Cross Buns from 4 Jan but "our Easter Eggs are a couple of weeks away"....

OMFG!!! Who is this public they speak of? Who, in their right bloody mind wants to start thinking about Easter when we've just all spent, eaten and drunk every last cent that we had. This is not about the religious celebration that Christians partake in surely??? It's not like you need to post hot cross buns to people overseas and i'm damn sure you wouldn't be sending fragile chocolate through the sea mail option....Can you just imagine it at the other end? That's the only conceivable reason I can come up with as to why anyone would need to have access to this stuff 3 months out of the actual event. It pisses me off....Can you tell? *lol*

Trouble is...people WILL buy the fkn stuff.... Personally, I love hot cross buns....toasted and dripping in butter...what's better? I don't like chocolate so that's not even an issue for me but still, I have refused point blank, for as many years as I can remember to buy hot cross buns or easter eggs until it's a decent time away from the event. Hot cross buns i'll admit get a 2 week grace *lol* but that's not so bad is it? Easter eggs, well I hardly even buy them. The price is outrageous! I usually get a little chocolate token for my nephews and buy them something really Aunty like such as socks! *L* My girls know they get money and maybe a tiny chocolate but even that shits me to death!

You might be wondering why I would even bother with this Christian belief (the same goes for Christmas actually). You might (or might not) be interested to know that both these celebrations pre-date Christianity (i'm not having a go....each to their own) and are Pagan celebrations which the modern day churches (albeit a yonk ago) have adopted as their own.

Easter and Christmas have different names in my faith (Oestara and Yule) and are celebrations of changes of season, life and death etc. than they are anything to do with Jesus.

Anyway, I digress. My point is....and I do have a point *lol* (get to it....yes, I know) My point is, why can't people just NOT buy this stuff until say, even, 3 weeks out of the event.....and maybe that would send a message? While we continue to allow retailers to bombard us with constant "holiday" paraphenalia and whilst we continue to buy it, there's never going to be a change.

There's heaps of Australia day stuff out there right now. That's fine with me.

But you watch, Mother's day I think is next on the commercial agenda....Let's see if it overlaps with the Easter stuff. I bet it will.

How fkn annoying.

That's all.....the end! *S*

C xx

Back to the hum drum of life.........

Well, back to work this morning and obviously, it wasn't a great feeling to hear that alarm and know that I had to get up and get on with it, however, at this end of the day I'm happy to report that it was a pleasant enough return, not too much in the way of issues to deal with and I left bang on time which is my resolution for this year.

Something else that I didn't actually experience was that "OMG, it doesn't feel like i've had a break" feeling because actually, I do feel like I've had a break and man, it feels fantastic to say that! :)

This is turning out to be a kind of diary for me and I do want to apologise if I'm going to be boring or anything but really, it's very cathartic for me to do this....Maybe just to think a bit more about my day and see where I might have done something better or just something more.

Just out of interest, you'll see a link (I think you'll see it) to another blog that my old schoolfriend Frankie has going. She's very entertaining and informative so if you ever feel like visiting, please do that. One of these days, i'll know enough about this to post pictures and quotes and pretty stuff for people to see.

If noone minds, I might put up some information about my personal faith because I get a lot of questions about it and I figure, may as well have the information available. As you would know, I never preach and I certainly don't make a big deal of my personal issues but still, it's a misrepresented faith in many ways and perhaps, I can make it less illusive.

No doubt, there will be other things i'll inundate this blog with....probably stuff to do with cooking and the like as that is probably my greatest passion right now but anyway, early days and hopefully, not going to put anyone off *lol*

Blessed be, C x

Crap, it's Sunday night!

Firstly, thankyou girls for your comments and well, just for being you. That's what I love about my friends the most. Not that they say nice things about me (although, lets face it, it's great to hear that!) but more that they are there and bothered to even come take a look.

Jack, a lot of what you say to me (going back years and years now) stays with me. I think that not only does humour keep me going but also those special little moments when you realise that life is just about people at the end of the day. Yeah, we've got to worry about the stuff that surrounds us and I'm big about not destroying more of the environment etc. but i'm kinda hypocritical too because I don't always practice what I think (not preach! *L*) and that annoys me about myself.

I'm gonna Rant for this one.....Why? coz I can.

I'm just finishing off what I can only say has been everything I wanted in a holiday (the first in a very long time). It's been relaxing and it's been pretty much me doing nothing of any note whatsoever. Yep, that's what I wanted but of course, tonight, on the eve of me going back to the "daily grind", I wish I had done something more....something special. I had such great plans don't ya know? I was gonna do this and that, achieve things around the house. I probably did about 2 of the 100 things I wanted to do in that respect....BUT, I did get to catch up with some people that I don't often see, I did cook a great deal (which I love) and I did actually enjoy the whole time I spent with my man. I've surprised myself with that one. I guess if you know me well enough, you would understand why.

I'm a pretty selfish individual at times. I like my own space, I like things to be as I want them to be and I get irritated easily by things that don't go my way. Some would say, typical Virgo. I know though, that essentially, I'm just a bit of a bitch! *lol*.

Thing is, I feel like I counter that a bit coz I also believe in loving the people around me and trying to do the very best I can by those who are in my life and who have given me so much, even when they might not know they have.

Essentially, this blog is for my own reasons and it pleased me immensely to see that it had at least generated a couple of looks but by the same token, this blog is also for everyone and I truly, truly want imput and comments and OMG, just want you guys to say and feel exactly as you want to and know that it's safe to do it in this space.

There will never be judgement or question about what is written here. (Although, feel free to judge or question my posts coz that's all good)

As I sit here and type, I feel better. I don't know why I do, I just do. It's been a glorious day......Let's just see what tomorrow brings.

Bright blessings xx

The very first.

What do you do once you have a blog? My friend Frankie seems to have mastered it but not me.

Actually, all i'm probably doing is an extension of what I do now but it's more personal and it will maybe get some conversation going....and maybe, it won't.

Let's start with a Rave....coz it's better than a Rant (although I could do several right now)

What do you rave about? I rave about the fact the I've had some glorious holiday time and that even though I know I have to go back to work, that I will, eventually get to where I want to be.

Where do YOU want to be? Tell me about that.....Dreams, hopes and aspirations are very much a part of this blog but also, this is the place where you can come and you can just say, Man! My life is shit, I've had a bad day, Just keep me company!

All these things are important and I don't know about you but sometimes, it just feels better to get it off your chest...whether it's good or bad....Just to share, just to shout it out! At the end of the day, we all need to just get the stuff out of our system and if this forum helps, I'll be exceptionally glad....